---

Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer
counterclockwise.

Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles!

Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell, bucko!

Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start;
now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox...

Haynes: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...

Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a BIG can of WD40...

Haynes: Retain small spring...
Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly took my eye out!"

Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: "OK - that's the glass part off, now use some good
pliers to dig out the base...

Haynes: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your
forehead are throbbing...

Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!

Haynes: One spanner rating.
Translation: Your mother could do this... so how did you manage to
botch it up?

Haynes: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a
low, tiny, little number... but you also thought the wiring diagram
was a map of the Tokyo underground.

Haynes: Three spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't expect us to ride in it afterwards!

Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Haynes: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear
at, throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner of the
garage for while muttering "Piece of Sh@t" repeatedly under your
breath.

Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are
looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife, "Yep,
as I thought, it's broke!"

Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to cut yourself.

Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.

Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you
know.

Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much
harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided,
you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark
plugs.

Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.

Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...

Haynes: Using a suitable drift...
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!

Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate
heat.

Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book but the thing you want
to do!

---

On Sun, 28 Nov 2004 17:59:54 +0100, "Jonas R." <hihi@hihi.dk> wrote:

>Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
>Translation: Clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer
>counterclockwise.
>
>Haynes: This is a snug fit.
>Translation: You will skin your knuckles!
<klip>

Kanon griner, der er sgu mange gode
--
Henrik

---

> Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
> Translation: But you swear in different places.
>
haha min favorit ;)

/Janus

---

Jonas R. wrote:
<SNIP>

Den var sku go!

Hvad med om folk selv fandt på flere ?

--
MVH Troels
Ford Siera 2.0i DOHC
www.broendbjerg.dk

---

"Troels Pedersen" <troels_p@fjernogsaaunderscoren_12mail.dk> skrev i en
meddelelse news:41ab4f97$0$35571$edfadb0f@dread14.news.tele.dk...
> Jonas R. wrote:
> <SNIP>
>
> Den var sku go!
>
> Hvad med om folk selv fandt på flere ?

Her er en som jeg selv har præsteret:
"Afmonter torpedoplade i ventre side og fjern pollenfilter"
Pollenfilteret sidder så bare i højre side på ikke UK mondeo'er, men hvad
værre er så kan man ikke afmontere torpedopladen i ventre side uden at
afmontere vindusviskerne også

eller endnu en jeg har præsteret:
"Afmonter, forhjul, inderskærm, drej remstrammer mod uret og afmonter rem.
Monter ny rem"
Remmen fra Høyer VILLE bare ikke på.......montere alt skidtet igen....ud til
Ford og hente en original rem og starte forfra igen..........SAMME
PROBLEM....Rem VILLE bare ikke på.
Montere det hele igen og ud til Ford igen........."Nåh du har jo fået en rem
til en bil med automatgearkasse den er ca 0.5% kortere ((

--
Tom